Sunday, August 2, 2009

myself

I hate the way that I'm so sensitive. That I hate to be lonely. That loneliness seems to be my only friend. I hate that when friends do try, I can't seem to muster the energy to appreciate it. I hate the way that I'm in love with someone who could not be more wrong for me.
I hate the way that I continue to put myself in situations that I know will eventually hurt me. I hate that I continue to turn the other cheek. I hate that I can't stand up for myself. I hate that I emotionally break down when I don't get my way.
I hate that I take things for granted. I miss my life in Florida but at the time I hated it. I hate my life now and fear that in a few years looking back I'll miss how good I have it.
I hate that I'm not in control.
I hate that my family doesn't get me. I hate that I want so badly for them to accept me and they never seem to. I hate that the most love I've felt from my dad lately has been online. I hate the issues that I can't over come.
I hate that he made me feel like a horrible person when he himself was lying. I hate that the one time I did stand up for myself I was still made out to be the bad guy.
I hate so much that the only person who gets it is a health care professional.

I hate that the one thing in my life that does bring me happiness is also the one thing in my life that is probably the unhealthiest. I hate that I need someone else to make me happy.

I hate that I'm never someones first choice. I hate that my siblings talk to each other regularly but never feel the need to give me a call. I hate that I've alienated myself so much that they don't even know me anymore.