Blissfully unaware

As I grow up I'm more and more aware of the fact that I prefer to live my life... blissfully unaware.

Unaware of what you ask? Well.... Lots of things.

• Terrible things in the news.
• drama with who my friends may or may not be dating, seeing, hanging out, sleeping with.
• politics
• and most importantly.... what anyone thinks of me.

None of those things particularly thrill me.... Most make me want to walk in the opposite direction and one may just give me the hives.

Does that make me any less of a mature adult? Does it make me a terrible friend? I really hope not. I like to think that if my friends need me to listen, be a shoulder to cry on, bury a dead body, I'd be there for them. No matter what. And perhaps thats what I'm really trying to get at.

If its big, and I mean BIG. Then I'm there. If its little, I'm there too.... but if its little, everyday, always, I struggle. Sometimes (and hopefully on a regular basis) I need a light hearted joke, a normalcy. Something that shows me that our friendship isn't solely based on your current life ending train wreck.

Sometimes I can be selfish. Sometimes I can be SUPER harsh (see last post) and sometimes I can be caring. I think all of those are normal human emotions. I am not a bad person if I experience any or all of them.

I don't really care what people think about me. At all actually. I know for a fact there are people out there that are not Laycee fans. I could probably name a few and give stats on them. But I wont because I don't care enough to let that bother me.

I also know for a fact that I have some big supporters (you guys rock!) and thats what I care about. The ones that love me. Don't judge me. And who get that everyone makes mistakes. Myself included.

I'm tired of hearing things about myself. Things that are not true. Things that couldn't be further from the truth. Whether people say them or not so be it.... I just don't want to hear it.

It doesn't get my anywhere and no one is going to profit from it.

I'd just hope that if you're out there and reading this.... that you're a Laycee fan. And you know that I love you and that I DO try to be a good friend.... So lets go bury a body....

Eh.

So I missed the whole weekend. I'd like to say its because I was doing totally awesome things and it was just WAY too much to blog but..... I slept. I woke up Saturday feeling a bit under the weather and it went down hill from there. So no blog. Plus this whole 30 day thing is starting to get boring. I don't get day 19. So..... I'm bailing. Its what I do best. Hence the reason I'm single. Haha.

Anyway. Onward and upward. Or down really.... A lot of things have been bugging me lately. And I've come to realize it has to do with just one person. And then it hit me. I'm dumb. haha. Let me explain....

A while back I had a friend.... things started to bother me more and more and I just didn't think the friendship was beneficial to anyone. Me especially. I needed out and I needed less drama. So I "friend dumped" them. I know that it sounds harsh but it needed to be done. So then a few months passed by.... and a few more... And I came across some old pictures/correspondence and I was definitely wearing my rose colored glasses. I couldn't remember what the big deal was... Why was I so adamant...? So I made amends. We started talking again and things were ok. And then I realized more and more why I stopped communication to begin with. And so begins my blog of rants...

I'm an optimistic person. I understand that not everyone is that way and that's fine. But I don't get the people that continuously make themselves a martyr and a victim. I've been known to have my own "charlie brown" (thanks Russ) like characteristics but I like to think I roll with the punches and laugh it off. And if someone hurts me I don't go back. Or at least I thought. Apparently I was wrong (see above.) But now I'm done. There's no need to subject myself to the endless whining and complaining when something can be done to change.

And there is only so much self destructive behavior I can handle before I want to pull my own hair out.... And its just starting to get long again! I'm beginning to see that as you grow up and move on with life there are some things that just don't last. Some people that just aren't good to have in your life and it doesn't mean that the memories you have are any less special or that at one point they weren't *something* to you. (yikes I sound like I just got out of a relationship. I guess this applies to that as well.)

All I know is that I'm so happy with the drama free life I lead right now. I have great friends and even more importantly I am ok being on my own. Alone. Its a fantastic feeling.

Now if only I could kick this cold.

Day 18

This next one can just go suck it. Why would I want to put a picture up of my biggest insecurity? Whatev. Here it is. My body. I wouldn't be a true girl if that weren't the case now would I?

day 18: a picture of your biggest insecurity.

day 18: a picture of your biggest insecurity,

Day 17

day 17: a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

So I mean this in the most serious way possible. Moving here did impact my life. But in a good way. As I sat at lunch with Jake yesterday talking about the times and memories we had of living in Utah the past year we realized how much better off we both were now that we are here, not there. My life was going no where in Utah. I was working to many hours doing nothing and not getting anywhere. Here I am loving my job, starting school, and going places. My life has vastly improved. And in the mean time I have fallen in love with where I live. Now the picture is just to be funny. I've been watching a lot of Jersey Shore and when I googled pictures for New Jersey, I could not pass this one up. :)

Day 16

16: a picture of someone who inspires you. I really struggled with this one. I've become a bit jaded lately and I just don't have the energy to have faith or hope in humanity. Blah blah blah. I know I sound so winey. I'm sure I'll get over it. But my dad is awesome. The End.

Day 15

Day 15: a picture of something you want to do before you die.

Day 14

Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine life without.

I think this one is self explanatory.

Day 13

So I missed Day 13. But only because I was off doing MUCH better things. Like visiting Nik in the city. Plus being a day late seems to be my thing. So here goes...

Day 13: A picture of your favorite band/artist.

Maybe he's not my FAVORITE but he's pretty damn close. Plus he's just so DREAMY!

Day 12

Day 12: Something you love.

What's the best thing ever????

Turtles.

What could make a turtle even better then just actually being a turtle....

A tiny. baby. turtle.

I honestly dont think I could love anything more. I want him.

Day 11 and then some.

First things first. This one was EASY. And if you know me at all you know how easy it is for me.

Day 11: A picture of something you hate. Lets be honest. That wasn't a surprise to anyone. But funny side note... I found this picture on a Marijuana website. To all my pot head friends... That whipped cream is infused with weed. (My Weeds fanatic personality thinks this is AWESOME)

On to other things. I'm proud of myself for blogging almost everyday with this whole 30 day thing but its leaving something to be desired. Basically. I miss bitching. So here goes.

This week alone I have spent more time at the car dealership getting our cars serviced then any one human being ever should. And they are just pissing me right off. I could go into greater detail but I just don't think its good for my health to dwell on it anymore.

Life has been good since I got back to New Jersey. I did some life cleaning. Cleaned out my friends and my life. Feels good. I have an exuberant amount of "me" time now and I'm starting to relax. School starts next week and I'm very much looking forward to it. What I wouldn't give right now to just immerse myself in something like that.

I felt like I had a bunch more to write but I guess I don't. So I'll leave it at that.

Happy Friday everyone.

Day 10

I'm a little unsure of what this next one means.... So I'm going to assume it means just get into trouble/ cause mischief with.... And if that's the case....

Day 10: a picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

Jamaica here we come!!!

Day 9

So I get that Im still running a day behind but I'll try and catch up today. I've gotten sick and I just can't put my finger on what the issue is. So frustrating. Anyway. Here goes...

Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

If you haven't known me long enough to know this guy... You're missing out. He's solid. It's been a few years since I've last seen him (this trip to Chicago to be exact) but he's always there via phone call or text... last night for example when I was so sick I couldn't help but just weep.

Day 8

Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.

Well maybe I should have been better prepared and read ahead a little and I would have saved the Pope picture for day 8 but.... Whatever. I can find lots of other funny pictures...

Like this one. Definitely makes me laugh, hard, every time I see it. Love that boy.

Day 7.

Day 7 posted on day 8. I suck. get over it....

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.

I know it sounds superficial and worldly but I worked hard to earn the money for it and I love it.

Day 6ish

So its 12:38 am.... technically I missed Sunday but whatev. Its my game I make the rules...

Day 6: A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

Ok, so this one was really hard for me. I really love my life and I don't think I would want anyone else's. There are a lot of people I wish I could see more often and so maybe if I could be the pope for a day I could make that happen. Plus this picture is just funny.

Day 5

Day 5: A picture of your favorite memory.

I don't know if I could say without a doubt that this was my favorite... but its pretty close. The middle east with my best friend for 17 days. Life doesn't get much better.

Day 4

day 4: a picture of your favorite night

Day 3

Day 3: a picture of the cast from your favorite tv show

Totally obsessed.

Day 2

Day 2: a picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Nyna. My BFFBB. (best friend forever before boobies)

Through thick and thin... No matter where we end up. I love you Nyna.

I can be another fool... or an exception to the rule. You tell me... the morning after.

Sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes I make big fat huge mistakes. I'm not perfect. I've never claimed to be. Nor do I expect people in my life to be perfect either. This weekend was a weekend of... fun. misery. awakening. and learning. I'm completely different now. How ironic that it happened at the new year. I came across this on a friends facebook and decided maybe it would be a good way to rediscover who I am and what I want. So if you're interested... Stay tuned the next 30 days...

Day 1: A picture of yourself with 10 facts.

1. I'm told I look like my father, which I couldn't enjoy more.

2. I don't ever see myself getting married or having children

3. I want to be a teacher who lives in foreign countries during the summers.

4. I am loud, obnoxious, and annoying and enjoy every moment.

5. I'm a workaholic.

6.I have an obsession (sometimes an unhealthy one) with turtles.

7. I love my family fiercely.

8. I write letters to everyone in my life. Constantly. I have never delivered any of them. I have many notebooks full.

9. My favorite holiday is Forth of July.

10. I'm so over winter.