Talent I wish I had

In the past I've written about how I wish I was artistic. I would give my left boob to be able to sit down and hours later have a master piece. Of even something just remotely cute. On the other hand, I hate to be one of those girls that picks up a digital camera, takes a few pictures, edits the CRAP out of them on their free photo editor on the computer and then thinks they are a photographer. I am so NOT one of those girls. Or boys for that matter. I just have this inner desire to have some sort of artistic ability. Of which I have very little. But needless to say, I like to take pictures anyway. Especially of the kids.

So today was the first day of camp for the girls (YAY!!!!!!!!) and as we were patiently waiting at the front door for the bus to come, I took advantage of the camera to try and milk a little creativeness out of my bones. I'll let you be the judge. If they are the worst things ever so be it. But here it is....

They get their beauty from their mother.

Lightening 'Queen is so ballsy

My little pony while we wait

Ready to go...

Savilla and Nate seeing the girls off.

Off they go!

Batteries

One of the best parts of being with kids all day is that the simplest task can make you a hero. Tying a shoe. Retrieving toilet paper, and especially replacing dead batteries. You would think that batteries were like diamonds in their coveted-ness in our house.

Batteries make everything better;

toy not working as well as it used to? New batteries!

Voice box on a toy gone out? New batteries!

Cranky and exhausted nanny? New batteries! (ha! I wish)

How many things in our lives do we view as "new batteries" a quick change and then it'll be good again. Back to what we experienced when things were new and shiney and yet to let us down. I know I'm guilty of that quite a lot. Maybe this apology will be it. Maybe this time so and so will stop being a total jack hole and treat me the way I deserve. Maybe I won't be blamed for everything anymore and I'll for once be happy with myself. Its a long road to realize that there is never a quick fix.

Things don't get better over night and there is no such thing as "New batteries!" in life. I wish there was. Sometimes I wish I could just take a screw driver and after multiple failed attempts (because lets be honest, I have no idea how to use a screw driver.) get the back open to realize "HEY! This boy just has a dead battery. Turns out he does know how to play nice!" Turns out some are just rotten to the core. Some just don't have a good bone in their body. Same goes for girls. Some are mean. Some don't have your best interest at heart and no matter how many times they make you cry it'll never get better.

That being said, there's no reason to fret. Just as not everyone is good, not everyone is bad either. Heck, I'm out there, being nice, going the extra mile, smiling. There's got to be more like me right? People who see others who are hurting and want to make it better. Want to fix it.

Thats my problem. I want so badly to replace batteries for people. I want to swoop in, unscrew that back, replace the thing that is broken and send them on their way. Smiling. Knowing that someone is happier because of something I could do for them.

I think thats where I get hung up on Preston. I put in so much effort. Forgave so much, hoping that someday I'd see him happy and know that maybe I was a part of that. That I had replaced his dead battery. But I couldn't. I didn't have the right size. I was all out. And just like replacing a dead battery is the best feeling in my job, one of the worst is having to unscrew that back, open it up, and realize you don't have the right size, only to screw it back up still not working and try to explain to that crest fallen 2 year old face and say "Sorry buddy. I can't do it."

So to those in my life I couldn't fix, because thats just not how life works....

Sorry buddy. I can't do it.

You don't know me...

I hate that lately I've struggled blogging. I feel so one dimensional when I can't muster enough creativity to write a witty enough post to feel proud of. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and I'm ok with that but I also work really hard to improve my weaknesses so that maybe one day I can switch them to the other column.

I'm very left brain oriented. My major is math for heavens sake. I'm ok with that. I've embraced it. But I envy right brained people. I would give my left big toe to be able to sit down and create something. I've loved many right brained people in my life and they have always been the ones to leave the strongest impact. This blog is my attempt to try and be a little more right brained. Its pathetic to say the least but I digress...

My trip home was fantastic. I saw my family, some old friends, and made a few new ones as well. I was glad to come home, but I also realized I'm missing something from my life here on the east coast. Or maybe I should say someone.

I'm great on my own. I'm fiercely independent and stubborn. I hate being told what to do, or better yet,what NOT to do. But I've been lonely. Caring the weight of my job, school, and being away from home has left me a little weary. I'm not about to settle, or even go out of my way to find someone, but I'm not as closed off to the idea and I was a year ago. Or even a month ago.

Again, I'm reminded that I'm ever changing. I was so certain after Preston that I was done and that I needed none of it, it wasn't in my "plan" thus it wasn't on my mind. But maybe I've become too bitter and cold hearted. Maybe I've become my worst enemy. Someone incapable of being loved. I don't want to be that. I may not be able to love, but I'd love for someone to love me. Then maybe I'd soften a bit.

There is one thing that hasn't changed. I thrive off travel. I need to go on an adventure. I need to get out and experience something new, push the limits. I need to be uncomfortable. What better time to do that then in the summer?

My weekends just got busy.

Any ideas? I'm open to anything....