Oh Don't you worry, cuz I'll be fine... See, I'm in a hurry to be gone away awhile.

I'm independent. Adventurous. Brave. Strong. Amazing. Responsible. All things people have called me when they hear about my life.

Graduated and moved out at 17, moved cross country at 18. Then again at 22. Making it on my own. Living life to the fullest. Traveling, meeting new people, and smiling.

I have one word for what I really am.

Scared.

Of everything people shouldn't be. Stability. Commitment. Functionality. Things real adults embrace.

This post is going to be a little different. It'll be a little more introspective and its going to be painful. I've decided to finally admit things about myself that I haven't been able to in the past. And the reason for that? A boy. (I know I know. Everyone in my life is NOT surprised.)

I mean the whole "a boy" in a completely different way this time. A boy came into my life and changed it all. He was bad news I was told. The signs were all there.

Didn't want a relationship.

Young and immature.

Cheated on my within the first month.

Countless break ups and reconciliation with in the first 3 months.

But then it all changed. I don't need to go into detail. I don't want to. I hold the other 6 months so dear and close to my heart that I couldn't bare to part with them. But I walked away with such a heavy lesson. I wasn't nearly as innocent and great as I make myself out to be.

I'm a different person and a better person because of it. I won't run anymore. I'm here for better or worse. I have a life to build and I've wasted enough time already.

I am independent. Adventurous. Brave. Strong. Amazing. Responsible.

Not to mention, beautiful, funny, smart, and incredibly loyal. And even though I may not owe those traits to him (they are my own, as they have been my whole life) but I used to never own them. I dismissed them as something I could possibly never be. I used to let my insecurities over run my life and the things I would do for people. Especially men. Men that I just wanted acceptance and approval from. He taught me everyday that if I don't wear those traits, no one will ever see them. If I don't give myself more credit, no one will be there to give any. He taught me that the way men treat me is mirrored by the way I treat my self.

Now I am my own man (k that sounds weird...) I love and accept and most of all approve of myself enough that I don't need to get it from others. So much that I don't need a relationship to define me.* I am learning everyday to love being single and to take care of myself and some day the rest will fall into place. Of that I'm sure. Like I said... I'm beautiful, smart, funny, adventurous, independent, brave, and the list goes on and on.

*side note- I'm not at all saying that relationships define people, I'm saying that that was the standard I used to hold for myself.