myself

I hate the way that I'm so sensitive. That I hate to be lonely. That loneliness seems to be my only friend. I hate that when friends do try, I can't seem to muster the energy to appreciate it. I hate the way that I'm in love with someone who could not be more wrong for me.
I hate the way that I continue to put myself in situations that I know will eventually hurt me. I hate that I continue to turn the other cheek. I hate that I can't stand up for myself. I hate that I emotionally break down when I don't get my way.
I hate that I take things for granted. I miss my life in Florida but at the time I hated it. I hate my life now and fear that in a few years looking back I'll miss how good I have it.
I hate that I'm not in control.
I hate that my family doesn't get me. I hate that I want so badly for them to accept me and they never seem to. I hate that the most love I've felt from my dad lately has been online. I hate the issues that I can't over come.
I hate that he made me feel like a horrible person when he himself was lying. I hate that the one time I did stand up for myself I was still made out to be the bad guy.
I hate so much that the only person who gets it is a health care professional.

I hate that the one thing in my life that does bring me happiness is also the one thing in my life that is probably the unhealthiest. I hate that I need someone else to make me happy.

I hate that I'm never someones first choice. I hate that my siblings talk to each other regularly but never feel the need to give me a call. I hate that I've alienated myself so much that they don't even know me anymore.

Work

Now... I realize that not everyone loves their jobs. I get that very few people do. I did. I loved my job so very much. Key word loved. I some how have ended up back in high school. Drama. Ridiculous. I am the youngest one there. By many many years and everyone can't let the drama go. I don't want to be involved in this. What more can I do when my 52 year old boss just can't let go of the fact that not everyone likes her. Hell. I don't like her. But I do my job. So should she.

Expect for herpes... That shit'll come back with you

There are alot more things that will spread other then STD's. Dysfunction. Drama. Immaturity. I found a family that is more infected that I ever thought possible... I wish there was a way to quarantine the one... (singular) that I actually care about. The one that I wish more then anything I could kidnap and save but I dont know how. I didn't know it things would escalate to this level. I didn't want to go to such drastic measures but they brought it upon themselves.

The worst part is that I'm losing a good friend. For no fault of her own. I just cant allow people to walk all over me anymore. I can not let people treat me how ever they please. I deserve and demand respect.

Lets hope that the authorities and everyone else involved passed along the message that I'm done.


Ang, I love you. I changed my number and until things cool down things have to be this way. I have to protect myself from harmful people and situations. I'm sorry.

I'd write more but I can't keep my eyes open...

I don't even have the energy to be witty today. Here's a list...

Saturday morning mandatory meetings.
Me being dumb for staying up until 4 am.
Lowering commission on the one item we have to push.
Rain on my Seven Peaks day.
Boys that are NOT from Russia...
Lame sauce work contests. I'm not freaking paying out of pocket for another store to have ice cream. Screw that.

More later.

My nose is cold and my toes is cold

Ok. So I'm back from the working dead. My store is back and so is all the BS that comes with it. I will take part responsibility in the fact that I am a thin person. I'm not overly skinny or eating disorder skinny just... normal. My manager is a 50 something women that is everything unhealthy. Smoker. McDonald's best customer 12 years running... the works.
So sorry that being stuck in a 69 degree store all day makes me cold. And my nose runny. Seriously?!? a runny nose in June?!? Sheesh.
Its a constant battle. I would be in heaven if my life was 80 degrees for the rest of forever. But its not. I've accepted that. but does it need to be so chilly? NO! Compromise (it took me 8 years to realize "compromise" had 2 "o's". Thank goodness for T9) it is not that hard. I'm satisfied with 74. Hell. I'll even give you 72. Just please not 69.
If I've said it once I've said a thousand times.

Just give me a 80 degree room, a book, my ipod, and some chocolate cake and I'm good.

Round 2: Hair

Now hair in general doesn't bug me... Everyone has it... I prefer my men without it (I know right? i like baldies... so shoot me!) There are certain things pertaining to it that do bother me. Like once its fallen out of someones head... Even my own. It creeps me out. It sticks to me and tickles and when its just one stand its dang near invisible!!
I also hate the hairballs that come out of hair brushes. Ick. Once at girls camp my friends thought it would be funny to put a hairball on my pillow. I never recovered.
Now, the real reason for this blog is hair in the way of cutting it. I absolutely HATE when I go to get my hair cut and they cut it shorter then what I asked.
A. for me to cut my hair it has to be a pretty big deal. I only do it about once every 2 years so for me to actually convince myself to do it... You better not mess it up!
B. I give you a picture of what i want. Not even a random picture but a picture of myself... Proves that the hair cut can in fact be done on my lovely red head.

But no. I think in hair cutter school they are taught to cut anywhere from 2 to 12 inches shorter then the desired length. Yes. That's what I want. I want my hair to be ridiculously short and undoable to the point where I curse at it daily so that in 6 weeks it'll be exactly what I wanted!
Ugh.
And what the heck is textured hair anyway? Because what it looks like on my head is random chunks that stick straight instead of being uniform with the rest its little red friends.
*sigh* now I have hair that is reminiscent of my childhood (and trust me. That is NOT a good thing)
Thanks a bunch hair cutter lady.

The beginning. Episode 1

So a good friend told me today that he enjoys when I rant. (really? AWESOME! we should talk more often!) So jokingly I said I should start a blog in which he responded with... I'd totally read it.
(this guy is amazing... There is nothing I love more then someone who will humor me!) So here it is. A blog. Just for my rantings. Enjoy.

Episode 1.
So I'm all for must see movies. The Classics. That sort of thing. But one thing I do not enjoy is when people find out I haven't seen said movies... And flip a lid. (first of all no one wants to see you without a lid... so keep it on) No I haven't seen the Harry Potters... Or Lord of the Rings... or Star Wars... which brings me back to the sub title of the blog.
Upon hearing such news; my wonderful friends feel the need to save my soul and expose me to the wonderfulness of really long movies that could never happen, that don't appeal to me at all.
My friends. Bless their hearts. I do love them. Enough to have sat through both Episode 1 AND 2 of Star Wars. And I made a promise to see the latest and greatest Harry Potter.
Why? Because I'm a good person. And I love my friends. But I'd really rather not be told 52 times before watching the movie that "You'll love it... trust me" or "You've been missing out..."
Because here's the thing... I haven't been living under ground. I know said movies exist. And I've lived 21 years without watching them... Another 21 isn't going to kill me.
So I'll catch up on all those great movies.......... When I'm 42.