Dating. I'd rather not.

Valentines Day. Gross. I've disliked this "holiday" for as long as I could remember. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was a very unfortunate looking child, or maybe because all my sisters were NOT unfortunate looking. Either way I didn't like it. It seemed made up and silly.

*side note* The only part I DID like is the double decker heart chocolate cake my mom makes and seeing as how I'll be no where near my mom, or said cake this year. I'm even more bitter.

Anyway. Its not that I'm one of those girls that feels the need to have someone or any of that. Because I'm not. In fact the past 4 valentine day's I was in relationships, but I just never felt the need to celebrate them.

Last year I picked out my own gift and made him pay for it.

The year before I insisted that nothing romantic or cheesy be done and that we sit and watch scary movies all night.

I think you see the trend.

Now, as much as I go on and on about how I enjoy being single and its the life for me, I'm sure some of you have noticed that when I look into the past most of it has been me, not single. Part of a unit. A "we", "us", "them". And I'll admit it, there was a long period in my life where I was never single. Bouncing from one relationship to the next uncomfortable with the thought of being an "I". But then Preston and I ended and I took a good hard look at our dead relationship (it had a long, slow, painful death) and I realized that even though I hadn't ever really been single, I hadn't ever really been IN a relationship either. I mean, I decided to pick up and move with only 2 weeks notice and willingly left Preston behind.

I was never particularly happy in my relationships, I always felt relief when they ended and no real sadness when I looked back at the demise. (to be completely honest when I looked hard enough I realized I did a lot to make sure that they ended. Sabotage. if you will.)

So here I sit. Thinking back on the past year, and realizing that I feel so much more fulfilled, happy, light, in my life now that I've been single. I've been on dates, contemplated some requests at more, and in the end, the only times I've been unhappy has resulted in those instances... When the inevitable drama hit when things didn't end up the way people wanted them to.

So this is my life. This is what I'm happy with. And I'm perfectly ok with that. I don't feel the need to delve into WHY I am this way. But I am. Maybe its my intense selfish drive, or my "youngest" syndrome and feelings like the world owes me everything... All I know is that I have nothing in me to give to someone for a full time committed relationship.

Plus, writing this and thinking about perhaps being in one.... Kinda made my tummy hurt. Or that could be the stomach bug going around my house.... I guess we'll never know.