If you were right and I was wrong? Why are you the one who's gone And I'm still here?

I wake up everyday with the thought that my life can't get any better. I've spent the last 10 months living in a place I love (you don't get sick of hearing about it right? good.) I'm back in school, albeit a frustrating school but, I'm working towards a degree none the less. And I have a good solid small circle of friends.

But sometimes I reminisce. Who doesn't? Sometimes I miss the snowy mountains in July. Sometimes I miss my friends. And sometimes.... most times... I miss my family. I can handle all of that. Those things can be solved, temporarily, I can go back and see all of those things and then remember how much I miss New Jersey.

What I truly hate about life is the missing of people, places, and things that I can't solve. My life isn't the same as its ever been. I never expected it to be. But I miss somethings. I miss who people used to be. I miss the comfortable routines I used to have, that ironically drove me to moving away. The change I seem to always be craving has, for the moment, subsided. But now that I'm settled and not itching to get away, I've realized that I've experienced things in my life without *really* experiencing them.

How many late nights and talks have I blown through with friends all the while wishing I was somewhere else? How many memories do I now look back on with longing and realize that at the time I was miserably taking it all for granted?

I don't know if I'm the only person who does this, (I hope not) but what is it that makes that occur? What in my head thinks... If I can just do "x" with "y" then I'll truly be happy. If I can just get through "a" amount of months and finally be "b" then I can relax and enjoy the things around me. I'm not exactly sure. How many of those moments were at one point something I was striving for, and then when I reached them my mind and want had moved on to bigger and better desires.

I know that that quality has been the main drive in my life to work as hard as I have and to obtain the things I have, but have I truly experienced the moments along the way? I'm not sure. I hope so.

Otherwise all this missing is for not. And that... would be truly heart breaking.

Dear Utah,

I know I haven't been the best lately. I've said some hurtful, mean things. And I've been ungrateful. But I do miss you. I do appreciate the role you played in my life and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. You'll always be home to me.

Love, Laycee